Barry Scotter and the Invisible Hat
by purplelightsaber
Summary: What do you get when you cross Harry Potter, the crazed minds of two teenagers, and a school project? This story!
1. The Park

DISCLAIMER: If you don't know by now, you shouldn't be reading fanfiction.  
  
A/N: We did this as a skit for a school project, so the quotes aren't that interesting. I hope  
  
you enjoy it anyway! I know the times are a little wacked, but it's supposed to be  
  
unrealistic.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Once upon a time, there was a dude named Barry Scotter that lived in a  
  
park in Pizzaville, Scotland. One day, out of the sky, Scoldeblort, the evil nail-  
  
polish loving witch, appeared!  
  
"Barry Scotter, I demand that you join my evil forces or I'll.Well, I don't know  
  
what I'll do. But anyway, join my evil forces," she yelled.  
  
Barry was startled by the sudden voice.  
  
" What, did somebody say something?" he asked, bewildered.  
  
"I said that you should join my evil forces!!"  
  
Barry replied with a simple answer.  
  
"Um, NO!!"  
  
'Well, then the evilest of all things is going to happen to you!!"  
  
Then, Scoldeblort took out permanent gold nail polish and painted a square on  
  
Barry's head.  
  
"Noooooo my beautiful head!!!!!!!" Barry screamed in despair.  
  
Scoldeblort then sang a song about herself and poofed away. All of a sudden, a  
  
letter from Goosepimple Academy for Misfit Wizards and Witches appeared at Barry's  
  
side. Reading the letter, Barry jumped up.  
  
"Ooh a letter from some wizard school!!" he exclaimed.  
  
Barry ran all the way to Platform 3 and 9 quarters. 


	2. Platform 3 94

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
At the platform, on the way to the train, Barry and a boy named Donald Sleasly smacked  
  
into each other. Literally.  
  
"Hey watch it dude!!" Barry shouted at Donald.  
  
"Hey I'm not a dude!" Donald shouted back.  
  
"Yes you are!!"  
  
"No I'm.Wait a minute, aren't you Barry Scotter?"  
  
"Yes you.What did you say?"  
  
"I said 'Aren't you Barry Scotter?' And you said 'What did you say?' So I'm asking you  
  
again!!"  
  
"Of COURSE I'm Barry Scotter!! Who else would I be, Superman?"  
  
"You mean to say that Barry Scotter called ME a dude?"  
  
"Who are YOU, anyway?"  
  
"Donald Sleasly. But everybody calls me Don."  
  
"Whatever!"  
  
Barry and Don both got onto the train.  
  
A girl named Lermeone Stranger entered the platform then, singing a lonely song  
  
to herself.  
  
"I'm all alone, there's nobody here beside me...."  
  
Then, a boy named Laco Salfoy entered the platform. He rolled his eyes at  
  
Lermeone.  
  
"Whatever!" he said, giving her the hand.  
  
"Who are you saying whatever to?" Lermeone asked him, offended.  
  
"You of course," Laco said meanly.  
  
"Wait till I finish with you!" Lermeone told Laco savagely.  
  
'I wouldn't mess with me, the one and only Laco Salfoy!"  
  
"Well Mr. Laco Salfoy, I would bug off before I, the great and powerful Wizard of Oz  
  
comes to mess with you!"  
  
"Why you.What?"  
  
"Let's go you too! The train is leaving!!" Barry and Don shouted out a window as the  
  
train pulled away. So then, Lermeone and Laco got on the train and they were on their way to  
  
Goosepimple Academy. 


	3. The Sorting

Disclaimer: Why bother?  
  
*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
In the dining hall, Professor Dumblydorka, the headmistress, greeted the  
  
new students.  
  
"Good evening students! Welcome to Goosepimple Academy for Misfit  
  
Wizards and Witches! Did you all have a good time on the Goosepimple  
  
Access?" she asked the students.  
  
Laco and Lermeone shook their heads, while Barry and Don nodded.  
  
"Why no, Ms. Stranger?" Professor Dumblydorka inquired.  
  
"Because of Laco Salfoy." Lermeone said sourly.  
  
"I see. Well students, it is time to be placed in your houses by the Invisible  
  
Hat!!"  
  
"Professor, how do you know it's there if it's invisible?" Don asked.  
  
"Because of my amazing heat vision."  
  
"Oh."  
  
The students were then placed in their houses by the mysterious Invisible  
  
Hat.  
  
"Lermeone Stranger!" Dumblydorka shouted to the Dining Hall.  
  
Lermeone sat on the chair while the hat pondered. Then, it shouted,  
  
"Grifendreene!"  
  
Lermeone shuffled over to the Grifendreene table.  
  
"Laco Salfoy!"  
  
The hat pondered.  
  
"Slitheryn!"  
  
"Donald Sleasly!"  
  
"Grifendreene!"  
  
"Barry Scotter!"  
  
Everyone gasped. Lermeone fell off her chair. Professor Drape, the  
  
lotions teacher shot Barry a look. Barry repeatedly asked the Hat not to put  
  
him in Slitheryn. After much pondering, the hat finally decided.  
  
"Grifendreene!"  
  
All the Grifendreene students cheered, and Lermeone shrieked and fell  
  
off her chair yet again.  
  
"Now it is time for bed!" Dumblydorka shouted over the noise.  
  
All of the students went to their houses for their first night at their new  
  
school. 


	4. Lotions Class

Disclaimer: See previous.  
  
A/N: This part was written LONG before All That's Harry Bladder skits.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The four students: Laco, Lermeone, Barry, and Don, entered Professor  
  
Drape's Lotions Class, where he stood waiting. Laco sat in a corner all by  
  
himself, as did Lermeone. Barry and Don chose seats right next to each other.  
  
"Good morning class. Barry Scotter, tell me how to make a Polysodafuntee  
  
Lotion, which we will be making today." Drape said, all in one breath.  
  
Barry looked confused. Lermeone obviously knew the answer, but Drape  
  
was intent on torturing Barry.  
  
"I know, I know!" Lermeone said, waving her hand in Drape's face.  
  
"I don't know." Barry replied.  
  
"Leave my friend alone!!" Don shouted at Drape.  
  
Then, Professor Drape gave Donald detention.  
  
"Detention, Mr. Sleasly. Clearly, Mr. Scotter, having a square painted on  
  
your head with permanent nail polish isn't everything. Making a  
  
Polysodafuntee Lotion is quite simple. All you must do is combine 3 small  
  
squeezes of that sparkly blue lotion, 4 sprays of pink spray stuff, and a squirt of  
  
sparkly purple lotion in a cup. The supplies are in the front. Get started!!" he  
  
said in yet another breath.  
  
Everyone went to get their supplies. The students started to make the  
  
lotions. Lermeone pulled the potion off perfectly. Laco seemed to be having  
  
trouble. All of a sudden, Barry and Don blew up their lotion!  
  
"It is nearly impossible to blow up a Polysodafuntee Lotion!! Look! Ms.  
  
Stranger has done it perfect!! Now you must clean it up!!" Drape shouted in  
  
their faces.  
  
Don and Barry cleaned up their mess. The bell rang, and everyone left  
  
class. When they were out of earshot, Laco started a fight with Lermeone.  
  
"Look, Ms. Stranger has done it perfect!! Teacher's Pet! Teacher's Pet!" he  
  
taunted.  
  
"Put a sock in it Salfoy!" she retorted.  
  
"Make me!"  
  
She reached into her shoe, pulled off her sock, and stuffed it in his  
  
mouth. Laco spit out the sock, and pulled out his wand. Lermeone did the  
  
same. They started having a duel. Barry and Don joined in. All the teachers  
  
and Madame Palmtree, the nurse, came running.  
  
"N-n-now c-children. L-let's n-n-not f-fight n-now." Professor Squirrel, the  
  
We-Are-Too-Stupid-To-Defend-Ourselves-Against-The-Dark-Arts  
  
(WATSTDOATDA) teacher, stammered.  
  
"Look at you, Ms. Stranger! You're bleeding! And you too Mr. Sleasly! Come  
  
with me!" Madame Palmtree said.  
  
"As for you two, back to your houses!" Dumblydorka reprimanded.  
  
Lermeone and Don followed Madame Palmtree to the Hopsical. Laco  
  
and Barry went back to their houses. The rest of the teachers went back to the  
  
Stafe Room. 


	5. The Mirror of Arised

Disclaimer: DUH *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Later that night, Barry was wandering the halls. He spotted Squirrel and  
  
Drape fighting and slipped into a near by classroom to watch.  
  
"D-d-drape! T-tell m-m-me w-where t-the Invisible H-hat is h-h-hidden!"  
  
Squirrel demanded of Drape.  
  
"Why? Dumblydorka hid it so power hungry people like you can't find  
  
it! Scoldeblort was sighted on the grounds! Are you in league with her? If you  
  
were, I could have you fired!" Drape retorted.  
  
"N-n-now w-w-why w-w-would I-I b-b-be w-w-with h-h-her?" Squirrel  
  
inquired.  
  
"You're lying, I can tell! Scoldeblort needs more ways to be pretty, and you're  
  
helping her!" Drape shouted.  
  
"N-no I-I-I'm n-n-not!"  
  
"You're.." Drape began.  
  
But a loud crash interrupted him. He ran off to the sound, and Squirrel  
  
ran around in helpless circles. Barry turned to leave, but saw the mirror of  
  
Arised.  
  
"What is that?" He wondered aloud.  
  
"The Mirror of Arised!" Dumblydorka said, jumping out from thin air.  
  
Barry jumped and spun around.  
  
"I am so sorry! I will go back to bed now! Don't hurt me!" Barry said  
  
nervously.  
  
"No Barry. Look in the mirror. It shows you things from the past that you do  
  
not remember."  
  
He looked in the mirror and saw his parents getting killed in a car crash  
  
and Scoldeblort's square.  
  
"I saw my parents. They were in a car and then they got killed. Oh! So the  
  
people at the park entrance WEREN'T lying! I thought they were killed by a  
  
psychopath who got them high on nail polish."  
  
"Yes. Now, never come back here again. Between you and me, Scoldeblort is  
  
trying to steal the Invisible Hat so she can be pretty. This mirror will be used  
  
to protect it."  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
"Tell your friends, Ms. Stranger and Mr. Sleasly."  
  
"Yes ma'am."  
  
"Now, off to bed with you!"  
  
"Yes ma'am," Barry replied, and he took of towards Grifendreene House. 


	6. Hatching A Plan

Disclaimer: Dumb people are so blissfully unaware of how dumb they really  
  
are  
  
A/N: Sorry this one's short, but you know school projects.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Barry got back to his House, he met Lermeone and Don in the  
  
Monkey Room.  
  
"Where have you been Barry?" Lermeone asked.  
  
"That's not important. Scoldeblort is going to try and steal the Invisible Hat!  
  
We have to stop her!" he replied.  
  
"How?" Don asked stupidly.  
  
"While I was out wandering, I found a secret closet. It was guarded by as giant  
  
Chihuahua that was doing a Mexican dance and asking for tacos."  
  
"So you're saying that we are going to take some tacos to a giant dancing Mexican Chihuahua tomorrow night?"  
  
"Well, yeah."  
  
"You're on!!"  
  
"But we'll get expelled! We'll get killed!" Lermeone protested.  
  
"SHUT UP! No one asked your opinion!" Don and Barry said in unison.  
  
Then, they all went to bed. 


	7. Scruffy

Disclaimer: I'm not dumb! I'm just PRETENDING to be dumb!  
  
A/N: Same as before  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Is this the giant Chihuahua?" Don asked Barry.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you have the tacos?" Lermeone asked.  
  
"Yes I do." Don replied.  
  
"Well, let's go!!" Barry shouted impatiently.  
  
As they approached Scruffy the Chihuahua, Scoldeblort and Squirrel  
  
came running. They passed the trio.  
  
"Here's a taco!" Squirrel said, throwing it at the dog.  
  
"And another one." Scoldeblort said, while applying a fresh coat of nail polish.  
  
They ran through the closet. The trio of friends approached the dog.  
  
"Here's a taco, doggie!" Don shouted.  
  
Scruffy, who was doing the Mexican Hat Dance, stopped and turned to  
  
Don.  
  
"Taco, did somebody say taco?"  
  
Scruffy ate the taco and danced to the side to let them through.  
  
"Thanks, Taco-Dog!!"  
  
"Yo quiero Taco Bell!" Scruffy replied.  
  
The friends ran through the closet, after Scoldeblort and Squirrel. 


	8. Chess

Disclaimer: I'm with stupid -----  
  
P.S.-We don't own South Park either  
  
A/N: same  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
They approached a tiny chess game in the middle of the room.  
  
"It looks like we'll have to play chess!" Lermeone said.  
  
"Not exactly. Look!" Don shouted.  
  
"Maybe we just move the pieces around till one of us gets hit and we can go  
  
through the door!" Barry replied.  
  
"If you say so!" Lermeone replied doubtfully.  
  
They started moving the pieces around until one hit Don in the head.  
  
"Don!!" the other two shouted.  
  
"Go on without me! Save the Invisible Hat!" he replied.  
  
Don then fainted.  
  
"OH MY GOD! WE KILLED DONALD! WE'RE ********!" the little chess  
  
pieces shouted at once.  
  
"You got that right," Barry said.  
  
"Let's just do what Don said," Lermeone said.  
  
They went through the door into the next room. 


	9. Lotions

Disclaimer: I'm bored  
  
A/N: same  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"What do we do now?" Barry asked, as they entered a room full of Lotions  
  
ingredients.  
  
"Probably make Polysodafuntee Potions until one blows up and one doesn't."  
  
Lermeone said.  
  
"Oh. Okay!" Barry shrugged.  
  
"Let's get started!"  
  
Lermeone mixed the perfect potion. Barry blew his up.  
  
"I guess you use that one and go on and I use this one and go back to Don!"  
  
Lermeone said.  
  
"Be careful!"  
  
"I will!"  
  
They used their lotions. Barry went forward, while Lermeone went back. 


	10. Squirrel And Scoldeblort

Disclaimer: Monkeys stole my most creative ones. Oh Well. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Barry entered the final room. He found Squirrel and Scoldeblort there.  
  
"Professor Squirrel! Scoldeblort! Why are you stealing the Invisible Hat?" he  
  
asked.  
  
"Oh, Barry! Nice of you to join us! I was just asking Squirrel here which color  
  
would look better? Tickle Me Pink or Cherry Red?" Scoldeblort asked, holding  
  
up two different nail polishes.  
  
"Whatever!"  
  
"I think Cherry Red ma'am." Squirrel said.  
  
"Really? If you say so!"  
  
They began painting her nails. Meanwhile, Barry used the mirror to get  
  
the hat.  
  
"Scoldeblort, he has the hat!" Squirrel shouted.  
  
"Get him!!"  
  
Squirrel zapped Barry with a freezing spell. She tried to get the hat, but  
  
his grip was too tight. So she unfroze him and hit him over the head with her  
  
wand. Scoldeblort took the hat from Barry.  
  
"I won't hold the hat tightly because I'll ruin my nails!"  
  
Madame Palmtree and Professor Dumblydorka came running through  
  
the closet. Madame Palmtree carried Barry back through the closet.  
  
"Not so fast Scoldeblort!" Dumblydorka shouted.  
  
Dumblydorka puts a freezing spell on both Squirrel and Scoldeblort. Just as  
  
she's freezing, Scoldeblort shouts, "I'll be back!"  
  
Dumblydorka takes the hat and runs through the closet. 


	11. The Hospital

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter. We do own the Invisible Hat. We  
  
don't own Spiderman either. *sigh...*  
  
A/N: same as all those who came before it.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Don, Lermeone, and Barry were in the Hopsical. They were talking  
  
about the events that had just happened.  
  
"I'm glad you're safe Barry," Don said.  
  
"Me too," Lermeone agreed.  
  
"Yes, but you do too much! You're not Superman you know!" Madame  
  
Palmtree said to him.  
  
Then, the school year was over and everyone went home. No one ever  
  
heard from Scoldeblort or Squirrel again. Rumor has it that they are still frozen  
  
in the dungeon like Dumblydorka left them.  
  
THE END 


End file.
